~ She's blaming me now while im writting this .
~ She's blaming me for nt having a value on myself and for the family .
~ She's even blamed my friends .
~ What i've done actually until i place her in a situation like this ?
~ I've only asked for something which cost her a lil amount of value , thats it .. but why ?
~ Im writting this because there's anger and sadness inside of me .
~ And i covered it up by writting .
~ I could hardly cover up myself against her .
~ Because i understand how she felts and her situation .
~ Thou i've got issues in daily surviving , but i never tend to show nor do letting her know .
~ But why does she acted like she knows the whole world ?
~ How could she simply assumed me with bad thoughts by just listening to other people ?
~ Bloody INDIANS .
~ Racist .
~ I'm hating this *stuff* that keep on bothering me everyday and night .
~ Does she know what are the reasons why i tend to be home late ?
~ Does she understand what are the needs that i need ?
~ Or Do she really know what i really wanted to do ?
~ Why am i like this ?
~ Sadly ...
~ The wall of sheets that im writting on is the only thing that i *think* could understands me .
~ Im about to give up , but i cant .
~ Im about to leave , but i just cant .
~ Im about to leaving my soul , but i cant do it .
~ Thou i've talked much about what im going to do or what i want , to her its just like kids who
dreaming on wonderland .
~ Teased me about what i've done in past , teased me about my workin situation .
~ To me , why you simply judge me like that ?
~ Do you even know how to do it or what should u do about it according to what's given ?
~ Im not even like you who sitting in a Chill hut and sat on a comfy chair and just write and
Submit ...
~ Do you think im really that lazy ? Honestly for what i've been through benefits me alot in a
way of good stable position , UNLIKE YOURS .
~ Thou i've gain small amount of value that fits in my lil empty pocket , but thats more than
enough to me , because i work for something *valuable* to me .
~ You're a parent of mine , how could you have such kind of thinking ?
~ I thought you're mature enough to be like the other normal .
~ But throughout what i've seen , i felt dissappointed by how things works around the family .
~ Thou im not more than a chunk like .
~ But i know how to see *things* .
~ You've looked down on me since i was a child , all those support and stuff that i've gained ,
I thank you for it , but you doesnt motivate me , as i said , YOU ARE NOT MY DECIPLINE .
~ Im sorry for saying all of these , Im a spoiled brad , but Im not a *lil kid* to you anymore .
~ Im too need some respect .
~ Do you even know how i wanna get respect ?
~ To give respect to get it ...
~ I know how to comfort the others but i cant help on myself .
~ To you i may have no more future .
~ Maybe i just don't have .
~ I tears like river flow while im writting these .
~ Im so sad , sadness .
~ My minds manipulate my behavior already .
~ I've to be still and stands up , but its hard .
~ Cries in mind .
~ She does not know anything that what goes around in my daily life .
~ She don't even know what i've done .
~ I've been humiliated by her , and i couldn't find the answer why ...
~ I don't even know whether im still on my self conscious .
~ Im feeling sad and guilty for this situation .
~ I smoke , i drinks and that is all bad , but its the only thing that i found would flex up my
mind .
Everything's just shut ... quiet for a moment , but it wont last . Im telling myself a bad stuff right now .
.
.
I don't need you for the moment , why ?
Because im sick and im tired of you ..
I still have my *bad friends* as you assumed with me..
Im feeling down ..
I tears not for you or what i've done , i tears for my selfishness .
Because these moment that im having right now , there's apart of me that lies inside of me saying that ....
.
.
Could i still hang on for awhile ?
.
.
Maybe im the only issue .
.
.
The name is ,
Simon Peter
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